The House Where Lori Lives

This is Lori.

This is the house where Lori lives.


This is the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is the checkbook that pays the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is office that supports the checkbook that pays the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


These are the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


These are the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


These are the cabinets that date the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This the paint that refreshed the cabinets that date the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is shed where we hid the paint that refreshed the cabinets that date the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is the appraiser who photographed the shed where we hid the paint that refreshed the cabinets that date the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is the loan that depends on the appraiser who photographed the shed where we hid the paint that refreshed the cabinets that date the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.


This is one of the unhinged individuals who applied for the loan that depends on the appraiser who photographed the shed where we hid the paint that refreshed the cabinets that date the kitchen that feeds the children who torture the cats that worsen the hairline that continues to recede on the husband who helped build the office that supports the checkbook that pays for the mortgage for the house where Lori lives.

Wave to the nice people, Lori.

46 Comments

Filed under Humor

46 Responses to The House Where Lori Lives

  1. KLZ

    Good luck! Although, after seeing your kitchen I’m pretty sure that your house is worth 1.2 trillion dollars.

    Perhaps I should become an appraiser? I’ll do it for a nominal fee.

    • Kitchen only looked like that because it had been well scrubbed and de-cluttered for the appraiser.

      Did you know that you can hide lots of things in the refrigerator and the oven?

  2. liz

    The House that Jack Built is one of our faves. And I love that you actually posed under a blanket! Ha!

    You should get some MPs for that stellar stick dude.

  3. I’m trying to find an appraiser now so the bank & I can agree that no, the value of the house has not dropped 40% because the house never went up as much as all the others in the first place.

  4. *giggling*
    This is a classic post! I loved it! Actually *still snickering* I work in an office that does closings for lenders, as well as the title work beforehand. It’s ok, breathe. Everything will be fine. And don’t be afraid to ask questions, and ask them again if they don’t explain well enough. That’s their job.

    • We’re pretty pesky when we don’t get something.

      “What’s this? Why are we paying for this? Did you tell us about this already?”

      Yes, we’re THOSE people.

      Hee. πŸ™‚

  5. You have left me giggling, and I am leaving you heaps of positive thoughts! Unhinged individuals need those. πŸ˜‰

  6. This just got better and better as I kept reading. What a creative post. Love how the cat had to have the last word and sneak into the final picture.

    • Our cats are total cam-hogs.

      They MUST be in the shot.

      We don’t know where they got this problem. They are clearly too influenced by Lindsay Lohan.

      And very glad you liked it!

  7. ha! That was entertaining.

    • That is good to hear!

      Sometimes I shoot for entertaining and end up with informative. Or declarative. I get those two mixed up.

      Glad you liked it!

  8. Love it, especially the hairline! I hope that the appraiser exceeds your expectations!

  9. I’d like to see that post as a vlog.
    Please tell me you scrubbed your kitchen for the pictures, please?
    And good luck!

    • Kitchen was cleaned to within an inch of its life for the appraisal that had just happened.

      So basically the same thing. πŸ˜‰

      And thank you!

  10. That rivals Mugbrawl as my favorite Lori post ever! Truly awesome.

  11. Great post! I am all snickery over here! I hope the appraisal goes as well as you want it to.

  12. Your brand of funny raises the bar on blogging, even if you are a little … unhinged.

    Make no mistake, this will be the post that eventually gets you on the Ellen show to promote your kid’s book (which was really written for parents who like to derange their children at a young age).

    And now I’m going to read it again. The hairline part, three times.

    • Hee hee…I actually sent the Ellen Show a tweet.

      They, sadly, have not answered….yet? πŸ˜‰

      And this may be one of the kindest compliments I have ever received.

      You, dear one, are lovely.

  13. We’re closing on a house today…the market is crazy. It was a short sale so at the time we offered our offer was within range of sales in the area. It took 4 months to get approved and then the appraiser came out and appraised the house for less than our offer…4 months makes a big difference in this market. It worked out in our favor…the bank lowered the price to match the appraisal. So we ended up paying less. I hope that your appraisal story has a VERY happy ending for you. πŸ™‚

  14. This was great! πŸ™‚ I love the way this was done. It reminds me of the lady who swallowed a fly (or whatever it’s called).

    Also? Please, please tell me that your kitchen doesn’t normally look like that. If so? I’m going to slit my wrists. My kitchen has never looked like that (if you don’t count the time before I move in…)

    • No, my kitchen does NOT normally look like that.

      That’s what it looks like before an appraiser comes.

      Cause you can hide things, then. πŸ˜‰

  15. I adore this post…I should have done this when we refinanced. Luckily after all the additions and finishing we did to the house? We came out right about even for what we bought it. refinanced for less! woot! Positive thoughts, warm fuzzies, and all that stuff to you!

    But if you need to? We have a bridge near our house you can live under. I’ll bring you our leftovers each night.

    • Thank you thank you!

      And never have I had a more generous offer than regular left-overs to help manage under-bridge-living.

      You are very, very kind and I hope never to take you up on your offer!

  16. OMG…your house is GORGEOUS. I love the curb appeal. Yellow – my fave.

    I thought your posts couldn’t get better than your guest at Our Mommyhood, but this may have topped it. Brilliantly funny and you sitting under the blanket…classic.

    Well done.

    • It’s funny – WE’RE not that thrilled with the curb appeal, but everyone else is! I even got a letter in the mailbox one day from someone who said if I wanted to sell to call her based only on the outside.

      I just wish the INSIDE looked like that all the time.

      Sadly, people actually live in my house.

      And those are lovely words!

      The blanket picture took like 14 shots.

      All the cats’ fault.

  17. Paid stick actor? You’re hilarious.

  18. Oh Lori,
    Blogging from under a blanket. I figured it would come to this. Did you give the appraiser your blog address? I have a feeling it might have helped your cause.
    Dana

    • I’ve been trying rather hard to keep the blog discreet during all this.

      Heaven forbid they see how crazy I can become when there’s paint involved.

      Also, we took the giant cat climber down for the appraisal.

      It seemed prudent.

      AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  19. My FAVORITIST (I just made that word up for you) post this week! I’m including it on my Saturday favorites post! Your stickman rocks. And your kitchen is spotless!! Do you ever use it!!??? Because my kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it most of the time!

    • You are lovely lovely lovely!

      And I will be camping so I won’t get to see it till I come back. Poo! But, still lovely!!

      And I PROMISE the kitchen only looked like that because the appraiser was coming.

      It’s a little difficult – and by that I mean downright impossible – to keep it looking like that when people actually LIVE here.

  20. That appraiser is a dead-ringer for my brother-in-law…

  21. LOL Good luck! Wish I had a shed. Jealous.

  22. Cats only cause receding hairlines in men, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s