Written by Himself, The Royal Consort
Firstly, we – the Royal Consort – offer our sincere thanks to all our lovely courtiers-in-waiting (CIW’s) who proffered their applications for a coveted position in HM’s Court.
Secondly, we must inform said CIWs that circumstances of the judging have changed slightly. We have been forced to usurp all decision-making authority for ourselves, as the court hairballs Topaz and Nimbus have proven themselves to be highly unreliable in the assessing of personal character. (It would reflect poorly on HM’s esteemed reputation to elaborate; suffice it to say they show no discrimination whatsoever in their overtures toward visitors of HM’s Court.) [And plus? We relish any opportunity to usurp. We find usurping to be… how do the commoners phrase it?… a “turn-on.”]
And so it is time for our ‘big reveal.’ (Relax, ladies – it’s not what you’re thinking.)
For her laser-guided boobs and prodigious talent in using said boobs to bed the widest array of Court hangers-on, thereby gaining access to inside information on Court intrigue and nefarious plots to undermine HM’s authority, we choose the lovely Katie from the Nation of Sluiter as first courtier to HM Lori. (We also love The Beatles.)
For her incredible talents in the creation of suitably amazing bling that coordinates with, enhances, and further illuminates HM’s already luminous luminosity, and her self-evident access to inside information on the Court hairballs that will provide HM Lori with key leverage to keep said hairballs in their place, we select the stunning Fire Wife Katie as second courtier to HM Lori. (Doest thou detect a trend? Don’t get carried away. Besides, only two Katies entered the contest.)
And last but of course not least, for her amazing recall of obscure TV theme song lyrics – a talent that can be the critical difference during a heated game of Trivial Pursuit: 80’s Edition – we bestow upon the effervescent Missy the Wonder Friend the honor of third courtier to HM Lori. (For the record? The bribe was the clincher. We are not above accepting bribes. Far from it – we positively encourage bribes.)
So we present for your appreciation and admiration the official courtiers of HM Lori, Lady Katie, Lady Fire Wife Katie, and Lady Missy Wonder Friend. Congratulations to you all.
And we would be remiss in our duties if we failed to mention honorable mentions to KLZ for her persistence and to The Next Martha for her juiciest of gossip. We do appreciate the gossip and the tenacity but in the end it’s always going to boil down to talent. That, and bribes.