-50…..-40…..-30…..-20…..-10….0….+10…..+20…..+30…..+40…+50
Introducing The Martha Points Scale. A 100 point spread on the relative “Martha-y-ness” of my house.
The Martha Points Scale is a tally of the various positive/negative points I can earn by doing/ignoring various things in my home. A Martha Point is a self-assigned point (or lack thereof) that I give to myself based on my mood at the time a complex formula involving intergrel calculus.
On luanch day we started the scale at ZERO. Why? Because I had too many martinis can! Because we are starting with a clean slate. Because if I gave myself my TRUE launch-day score I would crawl into a closet, lock the door and ask my family to feed me liquified food through a long bendy straw.
And now for the education of the readers, here are some examples of ways I can move up and/or down the scale.
- Making the bed: +5 points
- Making the bed without mummifying a cat in the sheets: +8 points
- Filling the birdfeeders: +5 points
- Removing starved bird corpses: -10 points (although really, that one could go either way)
- Vacuuming: +10 points
- Losing track of the color of the carpet: -10 points
- Losing ability to see out the windows: -10 points
- Losing the cats: -10 points
- Losing the kids: -10 points
- Losing the kids inside the house: -50 points
- Hosting a party in a sparkling, freshly painted home with canapes, chilled champagne and witty conversation all while landing747′s at the San Francisco International Airport: +50 points
- Losing the 747 in the Bay: -50 points (but with an optional +10 point bonus if the champagne stays bubbly.)
So you see? It’ll be ever so much easier to self-motivate and keep the house in a Martha-Worthy state with this handy means of visual feedback.
I’ll post updates whenever the Prozac kicks in I have something interesting to share.
I have just fallen in love with your blog! I feel right at home…. I aspire to use my bedroom chair (if I had one done yet) for laundry… I still have mine in plastic baskets!
I look forward to reading you posts in hopes of improving my own Martha Points.
I hereby award you 3 Martha Points. I mean, after all, you have a basket. It could have been plastic grocery bags. Trust me, we take ‘em where we can find ‘em! ;)
Nice job! As an avid listener (and I will deny I ever wrote this) of Martha Stewart Living Radio on Sirius Satellite radio, I got a real kick out of your blog. Sign me up! And carry on!
I promise not to tell a soul!
And thank you so much for your kind words!
wow, this is the laugh I needed today, and the reminder that not everyone lives in Marthaville (I know all my neighbors do, it’s “that” kind of neighborhood) – so I made paperplanes with the eldest child (+20 points) after we had spent 5 hours watching tv while I slept on the couch (-50 points – you are not the only one under the weather), told her to go fly them outside in the sunshine (+5) and sat down (-10) and read your blog. I’m in love.
You clearly have an excellent grasp of the point scale! Nicely done.
(And points for paper airplanes…brilliant!)
I LOVE this!
You are a genius!!
BBx
You are very kind! Thank you muchly!
OK…just for making that list you get 1,000,000 Martha Points! I both love and hate Martha…the strive to be Martha when I was younger nearly drove me to the looney bin. Thanks for stopping by 504 Main today! I am going to read more here and subscribe, but I had yo know what Martha Points were ASAP!
Holly
504 Main
PS-You are the only one so far who said they are going to SF for Bootcamp! I am surprised.
Thanks for coming to read! Really enjoying your site too.
Ok, SOME people have to be going, yes? We just have to
hunttrack them down.Losing the kids in the house is my challenge too, although with a newborn I always know where she is (when she’s attached nursing). :)
I blog about the trash I find and what I do with; in other words, I find value where others may not see it.
I loved reading through your blog. What a super writing style you have.
Take care.
Laura
You are very kind…and I remember the perpetually-connected-to-the-newborn days. Oy!
And great name!!
Have you ever read Erma Bombeck.?…girl I haven’t laughed since she used to contribute to our newspaper when I worked there in Phnx, many years ago….you’re a true delight! I will have to join your website just for the jockularity……Toni
I loved Erma Bombeck. I miss her writing so much.
And I’m glad you enjoyed!
Love this! Just found you through SITS and SO glad I did!!! I need some Martha Points myself!!!
Thanks for swingin’ by!
And I hereby award you +4 Martha Points for Successful Internet Navigation!!
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Totally awesome!
I think I need the Martha point system too.
giggle.
Nice to meet you last week at Bloggy Bootcamp.
:)
Susan
It’s a VERY flexible scale.
And it was nice to meet you too!
that sounds like a good system. And if you can land the plane on the bay, I say you get plus 100 points and highly-paid speaking engagements across the board. Plus a really cool nickname. Sully is taken, though, as is Superman. You’ll have think of something else.
I just found your blog and I totally love it! You are hilarious!
I just found your site, I love it! You crack me up!