Points for Peace

For restraining myself from grounding Child A until adulthood for letting his English grade slip…

For not packaging up two Abyssinian cats in styrofoam packing boxes and mailing them to a random address on the Serengeti…

For not throwing my new Nugget Casino ashtray (project pending) at the TV screen every time I saw a BP spokesperson…

For not taking a razor to the whalebone strapless bra that put me in the emergency room…

For not having the “Stupid Tax” graphic made into an actual stamp to assault grocery store patrons with…

I hereby award myself: +7 Martha Points.

Bringing my new total to: +16 Martha Points.

And if you think this is a desperate ploy to create points in pacifism because I really have nothing better to offer, then I ask you to kindly wait in the lobby and a representative will be with you shortly.


Filed under Humor

32 Responses to Points for Peace

  1. Just seven points? I would’ve awarded myself at least 10 points alone for not throwing an ash tray at the BP spokespeople…!

  2. Kaira

    Oh! DO have that “Stupid Tax” stamp made: one for you, one for us to fight over! πŸ˜€

  3. yay for giving child A a second chance, but you shoulda shipped the cats off..

  4. I’m telling ya, you need to start a stupid tax meme…

    Everytime I think of your peace points, I think headband, peace signs, and hippies πŸ™‚

  5. Keep racking up your peace point because bad things will happen if you damage that ashtray. I got a bad feeling.

  6. Some bras are made by the devil.

    True story.

    I mean, sure he’s got his hands filled with running BP and making sure nobody’s giving out free chocolate, but he has to have a hobby to relax.

  7. You have to take points where you can get them. I am in full support

  8. I support points for all of those things. However, I’m cautiously optimistic about the “Nugget Casino ashtray.” I’ll have to wait to see that.

    • I’d like to say “I promise your optimism will be well placed!” but…truth be told, I’m cautiously optimistic too.

      We’ll just have to see. πŸ™‚

  9. I’d totally slash the bra. How was the ER its fault?

  10. I agree with all those points…..especially the ones you got for not assaulting the tv with the BP execs on it. I’ve earned a few of those myself this week!

    • Despite the relative quality of TV programming today, I actually don’t want to throw things at the screen anywhere near as often as you might think.

      But THESE days…grrrr….

      Points for both of us!

  11. Wait! I know I’ve been gone for a little while but what is this strapless bra story??

  12. Amen sister, amen. I totally think I should get points every single time I resist the urge to throw things in disgust or I manage not to make disgusted and disbelieving sounds when I hear people say some of the things they do.

    • I’m pretty generous with the points (with everyone but myself, it seems). If you are able to avoid inflicting bodily harm in the presence of deep stupidity, I say start rackin’ ‘em up!

      And for each ten points, you earn chocolate.

      (That’s a new corollary – I just made it up.)

  13. I don’t know how, but this is my first time here. I officially love your blog. I came over from Pretty All True (Kris and I are getting married. She just doesn’t know it yet. ::SHHH::).

    I’m gonna go add you to my blogroll now. Congrats on your newly acquired Martha Points!

    • You and…and…Kris? Getting married??

      But what about the china pattern we picked out??? Does that not mean ANYTHING to her?

      I tell ya’, that broad is totally fickle.

      But I’m glad you found me! (I love when people find me, really, I get lost REALLY easily.)

      And thank you for the awesome compliment!

  14. I agree with Natalie that you need a stupid tax meme.

  15. liz

    although destructive and messy, i actually would have given you more points if you had thrown the ashtray at the BP execs.

  16. Jb

    It’s not too late to make that stamp! (And who knows, maybe we’ll all be innocently looking other way when you use it…so that you don’t lose any points;) )

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