Off with his head!
Off with her head!
I am totally gender neutral on the issue of beheading.
It is entirely possible that the recent weeks of writing, posting, crafting, networking, foruming (that is SO a word, goddamnit!) (AND GODDAMNIT IS ALSO SO A WORD!!) (OFF WITH WORDPRESS’ HEAD!) and other worky-family-cat-shedding-stuff I am a wee bit edgy. And as a result of being a wee bit edgy it is a possibility that I am a bit more prone to snappishness than is typical.
Cause typically I am so not snappish and I can endure pretty much anything anyone throws at me while offering them pastel colored macaroons and tea in bone china cups.
(Shut UP you people who have known me for more than eight seconds! There could be NEW people here! I HAVE AN AXE YOU KNOW!)
But lately people have just been working so damned hard to work me up and I’m tired of it and I’ve got that big spinny rock thing going and I am sharpening up this battleaxe. And I DON’T mean my mother-in-law. (Hee! Hi R.!)
1. People, who shall remain NAMELESS but who are PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE WHO CANNOT YET DRINK, thinking that dried toothpaste is a new non-porous finish on sink basins offered from Home Depot.
2. People who don’t understand that I don’t have a bloody chip in my head that transmits email information instantaneously. GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES, CRAZY CRAIGS LIST GUY!
3. People, who I swear to heaven have nothing between their ears but Cheeto crumbs, who think when I say, “Close the door so the cats don’t get out,” that I am really saying, “Whatever you do, make sure the door stays wide open so our cats can hit that target accurately at 55 miles an hour because it’s been AGES since I crawled through my neighbor’s hydrangea!”
4. People who design women’s clothes who think that body proportions should modeled after Androgyny Pat and/or Jabba the Hutt and/or a fire hydrant.
I need all of you people to line up here so I can walk back and forth in front of you menacingly with this boomstick o’ slicing and dicing here in my hand.
I’m not kidding here.
I’m a woman functioning on little sleep, a jumbo mocha and a few recently banned preservatives.
I could swing for no reason.
Ok, that’s totally a reason.