No, I Don’t Come With Bubbles

People are always so disappointed when they meet me in person.

I don’t have rainbow bubbles orbiting my head.

I’ve tried.

The ones you blow from soap have a half-life of about six seconds.

Then you get soap droplets all over your shoulders and it looks like you had an unfortunate fly-over by a really anemic bird.


Amy and A Child to be Named Later

Then there’s the suspend bubbles around your head from a wide-brimmed hat approach.

But that just makes you look like a lame-ass attempt at a science fair project by a kid who didn’t understand the relative sizes of the various planets.

Also, painted styrofoam balls hanging in your vision give you vertigo.


This woman couldn't remember what her name was. We've now decided that we will all call her Myrtle.

Holographic projections of bubbles are too costly and require dragging a heavy piece of projection equipment on a cart around with me at all times. And also a generator.

Face painted bubbles make me look like an escapee from a test lab.

So when you get me in person, you just get me.

No bubbles.

Although if there happens to be a cause wherein I am trying to get you to donate money, apparently there will be singing. By me. In a key which means I will not hit the high note in the twelfth measure without a stepladder.

Which I didn’t have.

Kristy and Helen Jane and the Case of Dramatic Leaning

It is entirely possible that I traumatized a waiter with the singing.

But I sort of figure waiters realize they’re in a hazard position.

Hence the aprons.

Yesterday was the Napa In January Blogger’s event. Which involved a private tour and tasting at Whitehall Lane Winery and a private three course meal at Brix, both in the upper Napa Valley. (Which was why we nixed the titles “Pittsburg in January,” “Rancho Cucamonga in January” and “At Adult Book Store Near You in January,” although they were all strong contenders.

The incomparable Nichole from In These Small Moments organized the event to coordinate with the Northern California Debut of Cheryl from MommyPants.


Nichole made me retake this photo 6418 times.

Additionally, I got to see some friends I’d met from pervious bloggers’ events, Amy from A Diary of a Mad Woman and Eileen from Bringing Up Bronwyn.

I got to meet some new friends who feel like old friends owing to the harassing and haranguing through Twitter and Blogs: Paige, aka Jaime, from Slightly Off Balance and  Melissa from Confessions of a Dr. Mom.

The lovely Tara from Bite the Bedbugs and Courtney from Cupcakes and Wine were both in attendance, and some bloggers new to me – Stephanie from Mommy vs. Madness, Jennifer from Today According To Me and Irene from Creative Ways and Playful Days – joined in as well.

A wonderful treat were two women who knew of  The Way of the Blog: Kristy from She Just Walks Around With It and Helen Jane from Helen Jane. Who, despite this principally being a meet and greet, did not begrudge being tied, slipped a ruffie and interrogated mercilessly about the ins and outs of blogging.

We had simply the best, loveliest time.

Despite my singing.


Filed under Humor

36 Responses to No, I Don’t Come With Bubbles

  1. The necklace looks bubble-ish. Sounds like a fun gathering

  2. What? You don’t come with bubbles? I feel totally decieved. Next thing I’m going to hear is that Santa isn’t real. Jeesh 😉
    That’s pretty awesome that you all got together and I will admit, I am totally jealous. I would love to meet the people behind the computer screen some day 😉

  3. Well, it will be hard but I will still hug you despite the lack of bubbles. Also I will not rest until my hair looks like Cheryl’s. Will not rest!
    Glad it was fun.

  4. Sounds delightful. Perhaps I will head south for the second annual.

  5. How fun!! I wish I were there.

  6. You Bay Area bloggers and your posh wine tasting events! Is that really fair to the rest of us?

  7. sort of totally jealous.

    even if you don’t come with bubbles.

  8. I had no idea Dr. Mom lived near you, too! What a great event. Is that Kristy as in Clever Girls Kristy? I love her!

    I am so.bummed.I.couldn’t.go.

    What a fab event!

  9. Ugh – now I’ll all annoyed I don’t live in California! You exclusive West coast bloggers you!

  10. liz

    Wow, you had a great turn out for your event! So fun to meet all those bloggers!

  11. How fun! It’s wonderful to meet in person!

  12. I feel so very lucky to be able to attend — and yo, any time, any bloggy question, you fling it my way. I’ll do my best.

    Much love to you and your beautiful bubbles!

  13. Note to self: run home and post Lori’s singing. People, the 20 seconds I caught were delightful. This woman has LUNGS!…and well, I’ll leave the rest in Napa.
    Thank you for co-hosting. I was wonderful to see you again and the experience was more than I could have asked for. I wish I had hugged you more.

  14. God I love this. Y’all look amazing. Especially Myrtle 🙂

  15. KLZ

    Well, now I’ve got to move to California. Figures.

  16. Maybe it was the wine, but I thought you had bubbles and rainbows! I am sorry if I pushed you into singing, but you are your own worst critic, because I was in awe!

    Thank you again for a wonderful event!!


  17. Pop

    No. Bubbles.?

    I feel like my entire life has been a lie

  18. Next year can I come with you? I’ll be your very own bubble blower. I won’t let you down!

  19. so jealous, can hardly stand it….I mean good for you, how nice that you got to have a fab Napa blogger extravaganza….off to cry…alone

  20. Mother Hen is so disappointed that chickens can’t fly, especially from as far from Somewhere, Ontario, Canada to Napa. She would have loved to have partaken in a little bloggy togetherness, even without the bubbles — especially with Ms. Lori!

  21. Oh Lori, it was such a pleasure and honor to meet you!!

    I’m quite confused though, there weren’t any bubbles floating around your head? Geez, I must have had too much vino 🙂

    I loved your singing BTW, shimmy, high notes and all!!
    Looking forward to the next meet up!

  22. What a fun event! I’m jealous that I’m all the way across the country from you fun ladies!

  23. So. . . I wasn’t invited??


    p.s. congrats again on the BlogHer article. So fabulous.

  24. Thank you so much for everything this weekend, my lovely friend.
    Like Melissa, I could swear that I saw bubbles.

  25. So.

    Looks like it was so much fun, though! At first, I was all, “where’s she going with this bubble thing?” And then there were so many pretty pictures, I forgot I was wondering. And then it all made sense.

    Good on you ladies. Good on you, indeed.


  26. So very jealous and happy for you all at the same time! You practically ooze bubbles, you do….I think through your writing AND in person. And of course, the singing.

    Awesome pics, but where are you?

  27. Next time, I WILL be there!

  28. Wow, what an amazing group. Sounds like you guys had a great time, I want good wine and great bloggers in my neck of the woods.

  29. I notice there are no pictures of YOU, and I am guessing that is because you don’t want everyone to SEE YOUR BUBBLES! Or your boobs! Maybe I’m confused?

    Anyway, it was even more amazing to meet you in person that I even imagined. You were THAT GOOD, baby!

    Sigh. People? As funny and kind and smart as Lori appears in this blog on in her comments on other blogs? Doesn’t come close to how wonderful she is in person.

  30. So you had a great time – don’t rub it in or anything, would you? Sheesh. And I missed you sing? Damn it all to hell.

  31. Hmmmm, what about a headband with rainbow bubbles attached to it? Because I’m pretty sure we could find one on etsy. (if not I’m opening a shop)
    I’m glad y’all had fun, it sounds like it was a blast. (But i need to hear more about your singing)

  32. OK, I would never attend an event like this.

    So I was just skimming through this post, and then suddenly my eye was caught.

    And now I am laughing so hard I am crying.

    This . . .

    “Nichole made me retake this photo 6418 times.”

    Oh my god.

    So much laughter.

  33. AACKKK…you couldn’t have photoshopped a few wrinkles out of my neck? That pick is SO wrong!
    I think I need botox.
    Notice folks, she didn’t include a pic of herself!
    But you can find her singing here:

  34. The color just drained from my face and was replaced with the ugly cry. I wish I was there. I wish there was a picture of you. I wish I was as cute as these ladies. I wish Michael Jackson was still alive. (Sorry all the talk of Bubbles immediately takes me to images of the chimp.)

  35. OH I AM JEALOUS! I want real life blogging friends 🙁 Wow. That was whiny. And a rare use of the sad face emoticon. I feel like a fifth grader. Any chance you’re going to Blissdom? ‘Twill be my first blogging event. (Usage of ’twill was to make up for the aforementioned fifth grade language skills).

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