MORE things I do wrong.

Once upon a time I had to be on a yucky medication.

The medication, in addition to doing what it was supposed to, made me feel horribly fuzzy-brained and exhausted.

And then the medical fix-it part stopped doing its job. So I was left still having the problem AND feeling fuzzy-brained and exhausted.

(And yes,  there is a difference between the normal me and the fuzzy-brained me. Commence with the up-shutting, please.)

When I asked a doctor how come I acclimated to the therapeutic effect and not to the crappy side-effects he said, “Cause sometimes it sucks that way.”

Which, as an answer, I found oddly refreshing.

It seems to happen that way ALL the time.

If I need to take Tylenol regularly for something, every few days I’ll have to take MORE because I acclimate to it.

If I drink wine with any frequency, I’ll become immune to the WINE effect but not to the headache caused by drinking three glasses of it.

If I use salt too liberally, I’ll get so used to it that I end up needing to put a crispy coating of the stuff on my food just so I can TASTE it.

So clearly if left to my own devices I’d become an acetaminophen addicted alcoholic with high blood-pressure.

How come I only acclimate to things in a NON-HELPFUL way? How come I don’t become immune to all the annoying crap?

Here are the things I WANT to get so acclimated to that they don’t affect me any more:

The calories in chocolate.

The hyperactive consequence of four double mochas.

The skin-break-out-factor caused by my favorite foundation.

Pollen.

Teenagers who drive. And live in my house.

Angry Birds.

Angry teenagers.

TV news anchors who say “noo-kyoo-lar.”

Sexy stiletto heels. (Wearing them, I mean.)

Neighbors with overly cute exterior decorations.

Wouldn’t those things be FAR more practical to be acclimated to?

I’ll put that on the list of things to fix when I’m queen.

Along with dressing room mirrors.

THOSE things have GOT to go.

19 Comments

Filed under Humor

19 Responses to MORE things I do wrong.

  1. I know where your crown is but I’m not telling. It fits nicely though.

  2. What a fabulous post. I resemble all of that!

  3. Klz

    Dressing room mirrors are the world’s cruelest joke AND the worst sales tool in history. WTF ia wrong with retailers that they don’t fix this problem? I think they’re in cahoots with the weight watchers people

    • For serious. I’ve never been on the fence about an outfit, tried it on under that crappy lighting and said “oh yeah, I want to buy this.”

    • Nordic Girl 2

      I agree with you. I think they are all back there laughing their asses off at me trying on clothing. I haven’t seen the videos on YouTube yet, but wait!

  4. Let me know if you figure out the calories in chocolate one. I’d also like to apply that to dessert in all forms.

  5. I’m not exactly sure how one could be acclimated to Angry Birds but I kinda want to see it.

  6. I am with you on the stilettos…awful things. Medical issues with acclimation sound dreadful and I hope they can get you something that works. Right about the time you acclimate to driving teens…they move out and you never acclimate to how much you miss them.

  7. Because of dressing room mirrors, I rarely shop. And when I do, I never try a thing on.

    Ever.

    I just buy what looks like it might fit me, and tell myself I’ll return it if it doesn’t.

    It never fits.

    I never return it.

    Hence? I don’t shop.

    Yeah. I’m okay with losing those mirrors.

  8. I’d love to become acclimated to high heels

    And to fried fish. I loves me some fried fish but omg the calories!

  9. CDG

    okay nookyoolar?
    makes me mental.
    if you readthe news, it’s your job to say words correctly.
    end of story.

  10. Nordic Girl 2

    I say make all sweets with no calories. I love chocolate, but I love anything sweet so lets do them all. And the mirrors, I’ve gotten to the age where my eyesight is getting so bad that the fuzzy edges kind of make me look svelte! Kidding! Get rid of them too!

  11. liz

    Speaking of neighbors, any Easter wars going down?

  12. Maybe less acclimation and more scorched earth? Except the teenagers. When they’re not angry.

    But for sure the stupid decorations and the mirrors.

  13. Mom

    Dressing room mirrors, eh? Sounds like Trying-on-Swimsuits season is here…

  14. My body gets acclimated to exercise very quickly, so then I have to do more of it to *maintain* my weight. Thanks, body.

  15. I’m embarrassed to say I had to sound out NU-KLEE-YER

  16. So many things I would love to become immune to. And you nailed pretty much all of them, except for the fact that I don’t have any decorating neighbors, thank goodness.

    And yes, when you become royalty please DO dispense with those dressing room mirrors and the nasty lighting that comes with them.

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