Monday Evening Potluck

Thank heavens. Because even the idea of having to cook is making me tired. I can bring leftovers to a potluck, right? Or am I overstepping the “casual” line? And is coming to the potluck in jammies bad form?

This week people are continuing their quest for details about the penmanship of a certain six-foot-tall, blonde, HGTV star. I now refuse to use the line here. I’m convinced I am creating a self-fulfilling prophecy forcing google readers to come here when they want to know about  this certain HGTV star’s, whose initials are C.O., pen and paper skills. And eventually, someone who comes to my blog for this reason is going to say, “What the heck! Why the hell am I here?” and leave nasty comments.

The Evil Done By Cats
This week the evil done by cats requires a description, because a photo won’t come out well, and I can’t create an illustration of this without giving myself a migraine.

The cats apparently think we are courting death, doom and disaster when we are outside. I’m not sure what vile creatures they fear will eat us alive, thereby rendering themselves trapped without opposable thumbs to open the kibble cannister, but they’ve got to be big nasty ones. Because when we are outside, they wail. They can’t stand it. Topaz will cry her little cry, until Nimbus comes and yowls his massive yowl. At which point she will shut up and look at him in a really patronizing way that says, “What are you crying for you, you big baby?” But what they will then do is claw at the screen. Or climb the screen. Which slashes nasty gouges in it. Nasty gouges in our large, custom sized screens to go on our large, custom-sized sliding glass doors. We can’t afford to replace the screens but if the holes get any bigger we will be springing for some duct tape. And a shippable pet carrier.

Points for You!
This week, reader points go to Brea at Brea’s Air, for this wonderful line in response to my lamenting the deteriorating condition of the master bedroom and what it might do to might point total: “Close the door and no points fall out.”

This is a stroke of brilliance and gets Brea +7 Martha Points.

And finally:
Triathlon Update

So, how about those Lakers?

Ok, that’s a wrap, folks. Hop on back over to June Cleaver Nirvana to carry on with pot-licking. I mean pot-lucking!


Filed under Humor

16 Responses to Monday Evening Potluck

  1. Trapping points…genius.

    Duct tape is the answer to all questions…although, a shipping container might even work better.

    Hey do you happen to know what Candace Olsen’s handwriting looks like?

    • You are an evil, evil woman and when some insanely frustrated HGTV penmanship stalker leaves snarky remarks on my blog I’m going to tell them that YOU are Candace Olsen.

      You’re blonde. It’ll work.

  2. Is the shippable pet carrier where you’ll store the duct tape? I don’t understand …

  3. Our dog used to claw through our screen door…those things are damn expensive to replace.

  4. Ha! Love the extra points from shutting the door. I think I need to live much closer to you than I do. b/c I need about 25,000 Martha points. Is that possible? have you ever done that for someone before???

    • Hmmm… Although I’m typically more generous with readers than I am with myself, I’ve never gone quite that high.

      Especially since the scale maxes out at 50.

  5. KLZ

    I think of you when I see people swimming laps and training in Lake Michigan.

    Then, I think “I could use a cheeseburger right now. Thank God I’m not training for anything.”

  6. liz

    You’re WAY cooler than Candice Olson!

  7. Laura

    Abyssinians MUST be where their cat mom is.
    Zuul will meep and meep and squeak until she loses her tiny little voice just because I have shut the bathroom door. And while it’s a tiny mew it’s persistent.

    Between that and the head butts of doom ™ aka “Zuul want love” she’s thoroughly annoying and cute simultaneously.

    When we go outside they both run for the cat door to the cat enclosure through the “let meowt” (seriously that’s the name of the window door)

    In Loki news he’s managed to present MIL with three birds in trade for food. Never should have let him outside the bird popluation will never be the same. At least you are spared the bird murder.

    • I couldn’t bear the guilt of the bird decimation that would happen if I let them outside. Nimbus is STRONG and can leap like a kangaroo.

      But as long as Loki is bartering properly, it at least shows that you taught him good manners. 😉

      Let meowt. *snort!*

  8. Jb

    I don’t know why people think cats are smart! Our cat was getting harassed daily by the cat next door, so we built her a cat door into the basement so that she could escape into the house. What does she do with that? She stands by her cat door (on the outside) and yowls. And sometimes, when she actually is inside, she sits in the front window and yowls at that cat from there!

    • We have one smart cat and one wily cat. The smart one can figure out doors, the crafty one waits for him to do it.

      But…they STILL yowl.

      I think they’re broken.

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