Liquid Motivation

There’s gotta be somethingย right?

Something that can help me over the hump?

Just a little pick-me-up?

Because I admit it. I am motivationless.

Laundry? Still unfolded.

Cat hair? Still unswept.

Hair? Still unstyled.

Mascara? Still raccoonesque.

Garden? Still amok running.

I made a HUGE tactical mistake a couple weeks ago. Huge. Massive. We’re talking Def-Con 4 conditions.

I started watching HGTV again.

I’d cut back. I had learned my limits. I was doing much better sticking with Bones re-runs and an occasional sporting event. I could handle those. Nothing there played into my neuroses. (Although I do get a little annoyed at the portrayal of MD medical examiners in skin-tight ruched dresses and stilettos heels. I can’t even go to nightclubs dressed that way, and this woman is using a rib-spreader?) I was ok. I was functioning.

And then…oh, it started innocently enough. Just recording the new Candice Olson show. That’s all. Then a little “Househunters International.”

I should have known better. I should have thought of my family.

Now I’m fully hooked again. Right back where I was before. Drooling over fixtures and finishes, stylish storage solutions and crown molding.

But no I have no time, no energy, not one single spare minute for tiling, painting, lighting or…let’s be honest…even cleaning.ย 

So I need something. A little something. Something that’ll give me the motivation I need to wax the driveway and wall-paper the cats. I just need a little push so I can find the necessary impulse to carry on with my quest for unchipped dishes and unstained placemats.

Answer me this: If alcohol is liquid courage, what’s liquid motivation?

And don’t tell me more coffee. That doesn’t give me motivation, it gives me tachycardia.

The answers out there. Somewhere. I just know it.

If only I had the motivation to find it.


Filed under Humor

29 Responses to Liquid Motivation

  1. Well, damn. I’m stumped. I’m pretty sure there’s no motivation of any kind to clean. I say run the vacuum during commercials, fold the laundry while you watch, and put your hair in a ponytail. Problem solved!

  2. If you figure it out, let me know. I certainly need some.

  3. Income Property is my weakness. I have no motivation either. Sadly I cannot blame HGTV this time. My husband hates it when I watch that channel. He says it gives me too many ideas….

  4. I saw the title and was all, “Liquid Motivation, what the…”

    That was awesome. Love the last line, it made the whole post. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. What you need hun is a wife lol.

  6. If you figure out how to wall-paper the cats, let me know. I thought I’d find liquid motivation in my Pepsi can this morning, but so far all it’s motivated me to do is read blogs. I think there’s a problem with that.

  7. I so wish I could help. I too got sucked into HGTV again. It is enough to make gardens run amok and cat hair to accumulate at a rate of entirely new cat/per day.
    But I have a good excuse: my house will be ON HGTV sometime in the near future! I can’t miss that, right?

  8. KLZ

    You are wrong. The answer is NOT out there. In fact, I think you should stop stressing about the answer. The key to stress? More HGTV.

  9. I love HGTV almost as much as I love my kids. (just kidding but kind of not.)

    Don’t look at this as a problem. After all, the search for liquid MOTIVATION is keeping you off the booze.


    (I’m all about the silver linings…)

  10. I’ve heard meth does wonders.

    So I’ve heard.

  11. I love the House Hunters show! DH & I always bet one another about what the couple’s hangup will be in this episode. Is the house not baby friendly? Will the dining table not fit in the dining room? Will one of them be all freaky about the colors of the carpet?

  12. Well as long as you don’t get confused and wax the cat I think it’s a win.
    Liquid motivation? Hmmmm…how about a vacation instead? Nothing bank breaking just a weekend by yourself somewhere?

  13. Love HGTV, but I can’t figure out the new Secrets of a Stylist show. Why would anyone want to have her room decorated twice when Candace can do it better in one try? I laughed out loud at this entry!

  14. My liquid motivation is peppermint mochas. Be careful, they are addictive!

  15. liz

    HGTV was my LIFE before blogging. I logged hours and hours every day. But now? Behind the laptop I sit.

  16. Dear Ms. Lori,
    Mother Hen wishes to congratulate you on the official Mother Hen’s Nest sentence of the week.
    “I need to wax the driveway and wall-paper the cats.”
    When she stops laughing she needs to go vacuum the grass and mow the carpet.
    Domestically yours,
    Mother Hen

  17. Hire a maid for a day. Or invite company over. Either way, you’ll clean so much before either one arrives, you’ll be able to truly relax in a spotless house and THEN the motivation will sink in. You can borrow my in-laws for the house guests if you need someone picky to truly get you motivated.

    And I should warn you, as a speaker for the cat union, there are by-laws about being wallpapered. They will only allow you to do so if you use paper made of natural fibers, specifically cat-nip. Oh, and no horizontal stripes are allowed.

  18. Well, wait a minute. . . what about the maid? Martha, wasn’t it? MARTHA? Right? Where did she go?

    So you are insanely busy, aren’t you??

  19. You need a points tally. I think that might give you the kick you are looking for.

  20. Hmmm… I think in the Olden Days, the CHILDREN in the family had chores like milking cows, carrying water from the well, and wallpapering the cats. It wasn’t the absence of birth control behind families having 12 or 13 kids; it was the promise of years of indentured, unpaid child labor. I think women had much more time to watch HGTV back then. Now, if MY family’s survival depended upon my sons’ willingness to help around the house, we’d all starve to death.

  21. The cure for HGTV disease might be drastic but I’ve heard it works.

    You start watching Dirtiest Jobs marathons…then ease into Shark Week…maybe a bit of This Old House reruns from the early days….stream some old Bob Villa over Netflix.

    You may never turn the TV on again.

  22. I have been so tired and unmotivated recently, that I have been thinking: If Meth is such a big problem then why the hell have I never been offered any?! And where is a meth dealer when I need one?! I live in the middle of the country for Christ’s sake! They are supposed to be everywhere! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  23. I’m with you on this one! My favorite motivation to clean / sort / organize??? Watching Hoarders: Buried Alive. That show (and pretty much ANY other hoarding show) totally gets me up off my kiester and motivates me to tackle one of the (many) projects! It *ALMOST* makes the laundry fold itself, almost! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Good luck!
    Mrs. Turkey

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