Karma Points

I walk a very narrow karmic line. I have mentioned this before. My line is as wide the white lie about how fetching your outfit is.

If I take home more than $5 in overpaid change from the grocery store, my car breaks down.

If I say too many nasty things about someone, the toilet overflows.

If I lie about something, I get an unexpected tax bill.

I have learned my lessons the hard way and I learned them well.

Because I HATE having my butt whipped with a cosmic willow switch.

On Monday I drove downtown to the Kinko’s. At 11:45, which is of course the most ideal time to circle the city center. But after two or three trips around the courthouse I had had enough historic downtown enjoyment and pulled into a parking garage.

I started to pull into a space, realized it was too small, but a wonderfully helpful man in a silver luxury car had edged up behind me to cheer me on. Unable to back up, I inched forward to get out of his way. This was when I heard an ominous sound.

You know, the sound of a side panel being bent in.

Drat! I cried (Sometimes I really hate writing a PG blog.)

By this time, helpful luxury car man had moved along to assist other potential parking victims and I could back up.

To the sound of a side panel unbending.

I looked out my window at the car next to me, saw only a small speck of paint, so moved along to find a more suitable place to park. My side panel had a white scrape and a dent. Crud! (This is really getting ridiculous.)

I let Kinko’s take care of all my copying needs (by which I mean I took care of all my copying needs and then paid them money) and strolled back to the garage to pay the city for kindly loaning me the pavement upon which to park my car.

At this time, I got a good look at the car I had wedged my vehicle against.

HUGE scrape and HUGE dent.

Jiminy Crickets! cried I. (Ok, I am one exclamation away from giving in.)

I stood in the parking garage looking at the dented, scraped fender. I thought about insurance claims, and body repair shops (I’m sorry…do they fill in scratches with 14k gold now? Is that it?) and I sighed heavily and walked over to the car.

I left a note with my number, used my phone to take a picture of the damage and walked, head sagging, back to my own car to call Himself. (Coming soon on IPoMP: Himself vs. The Evil Garage Door.)

I then spent the afternoon staring at my phone, waiting. Would they be angry? Would they criticize my handwriting? Would they claim my scrape caused their stereo to stop working?

When the call finally came, I didn’t hear it. I got a message instead.

“Hi, this is Callie, from the 3rd Street parking garage. I want to thank you for leaving your note about the scratch. That’s really nice, most people wouldn’t do that any more. But that giant dent in the bumper has been there for ages! I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t told me. Thanks again for the note, but don’t worry about it.”

Imagine me sitting in my car, staring at my phone, blinking.

Now, let’s all be clear here: If I had NOT left a note, the universe would have guaranteed that the scratch had been administered to a pristine vehicle with an angry owner, who would have demanded security tapes to track me down leading to a confrontation with policemen at my door accusing me of fleeing the scene of an accident where my distraction would allow my hostile cat  to launch himself at said policemen, and I would have been thrown in jail for resisting arrest and assaulting a law enforcement agent with a domestic animal.

Because I walk a very narrow karmic line.

But I walk that line out of fear – that if I screw up I get my knuckles rapped.

But it seems that if I walk that line because it is the right thing to do, things can also go my way.

Thank you, Callie.

Programming note: The lovely Pua at Dino Mom had Pursey Galore over the weekend and took her on a lovely trip to the Pumpkin Patch! Read about it here!


Filed under Humor

50 Responses to Karma Points

  1. I wouldn’t mind having my butt whipped by that cosmic switch. My Karma is fairly good, and because I said this, I’m sure I’m going to break a bone.

  2. It seems like my karmic luck is about the same as yours.

    Once, just only once, someone hit our car in a parking lot and left a note. It was a young high school girl that worked in one of the stores at the outlet mall where we were parked. I am certain that had it been an adult, no note would have been left.

    • ACK.

      I stood there staring at this damage that I’d thought I’d done, and remembered the times when someone smacked my car and took off. I thought about the fact that annoying as it is, I could afford to deal with it when so many other people maybe couldn’t.

      And I thought it was sad that her own comment acknowledged that leaving the note was rarer than NOT leaving the note.


  3. That’s just lovely. Though Callie and her understanding likely doesn’t erase the 34 gray hairs that developed while you were waiting for the call.

  4. dammit. now you are making me feel all guilty. just yesterday i got home from the grocery store and realized the huge case of toilet paper that was on the bottom of my cart never got scanned, but made it out the door and into my car.
    should i be worried?

    i was kinda looking at it as a reward for something i didn’t know i did…

    p.s. i’m so glad this worked out the way it did for you! yay!

    • Ok, I’m having a hard time working a free toilet paper score into the great karmic balance.

      I’m not sure what evens that out.

      Paying someone’s parking meter? Cupcakes for firemen?

      I’m much better with Martha Points than Karma Points.

  5. I have the same karmic line. Mine often takes the form of me talking crap about someone or some situation. Recently, I heard a story on the radio about a woman who had a “wardrobe malfunction” at a job interview. I went on for a good 5 minutes about dressing appropriately for interviews & how if a “malfunction” was even possible, then the outfit *clearly* was not appropriate…blah, blah, blah.

    I get dressed in a nice dress I haven’t worn since last year, go to work, only to realize that the dress I have on? With the empire waist and wrap top? Is a dress I typically wear a cami underneath. Because if I don’t? Boobapalooza. Cleavageland. No cami on. Realization? Did not strike me until I got to work & the boobs-a-plenty started working their way out of my dress.

    This happens all the time. You’d think I’d learn to keep my mouth shut…

    • I am dying over Boobapalooza.

      And I actually got counseled once at work because my bra tank plunged too deeply.

      It was…well…embarrassing.

      But the girls have been modestly attired ever since.

  6. First of all, this post is hilarious.

    Second of all – my outfit IS quite fetching, thank you very much.

  7. Wow. I think you just earned some major karma points there. And possibly escaped jail time.

    When you described that “sound”, I knew exactly what you meant. Ugh…..been there, done that.

    I think a Starbucks will magically appear on your desk today, since you paid it forward with your car karma.

    • Oooh…I would so LOVE a double chocolate mocha around now.

      Maybe if I close my eyes….

      ….wait. I’m alone in the house. That probably just isn’t gonna work.

  8. That whole Pursey thing is helping widen your karmic line, methinks.

  9. I left a note once and the woman was *horrible.* It was the right thing to do and I would do it again… But “drat” if she didn’t make me regret leaving that note.

  10. You are so right about karma finding its way to you. It may take it’s own sweet time, but sometimes the cause & effect is nearly instantaneous, so I do my best to err on the side of good. The rabbit’s foot clipped to my key chain probably doesn’t hurt either 😉

  11. Shoot. I SO know what you mean about the karmic line.

    Y’know what, though? Kudos to you for realizing it. So many people walk around doing ridiculous stuff and then when it comes back around, they think they’re a victim or their lives are just “like that.”

    So you’re one ahead in the game of conscious evolution.

    Sorta like Buddha.

  12. KLZ

    That makes me feel faint with relief.

  13. That sound you described is the worst feeling in the world. It’s not metal scraping against metal; it’s your heart sinking to the bottom of your chest. Been there!

    And how cool is that that the owner of the other car fessed up about the bumper? Some people would try to milk that for all it’s worth. Stories like this make my pessimistic heart flutter.

    • I know – I think she scored some good karma points too.

      Cause lots of people would have taken advantage.

      Interestingly, I looked at that horribly dented bumper and thought, that doesn’t seem to match what’s on MY car, but…what else could I do? I hadn’t looked at the bumber before I knew I hit it…so I had to just hope that me doing the right thing would be reciprocal if the damage wasn’t actually mine.

      And I am so, so grateful that it was.

      Good people in the world.

  14. Karma’s a bitch. In my family, we have this ability to pass on our facial blemishes to anyone making fun of them. Let me tell you, if someone walks into Sunday dinner with a big ol’ pimple displayed prominently on their forehead, no one will ever look directly at that person for fear a mean comment will work its way out and they will be cursed with that same pimple the next morning. It always happens. We never learn. 🙂

  15. That’s awesome! I’m glad she called you back, instead of just shrugging her shoulders, tossing the note, and driving off while you sat in nervous anticipation for a few days.

    • I would have sort of lost my mind if she hadn’t left me the message.

      Of course, now i’m in this sort of weird place where I’m not sure if I call HER back??

  16. And I thought I was going to get to give you swearing lessons….damn. But really glad Karma and Callie were both pretty cool.

  17. OH how I love you for sharing this post!!

    Faith is good! And your post is faith for me. I bless you for doing the ‘right’ thing even if you grumble while doing it. That is, how it works!
    Big Smiles

  18. liz

    You did the right thing and it paid off in spades! I’m sure the shame you feel for having done it in the first place will weigh heavy on your for a while. That’s enough torture for one person.

  19. Melinda

    I would have left a note too because otherwise I would be waiting for the surveillance video to be shown on the six o’clock news with my car driving away with the “I love Lady Gaga” written in the dirt on the back windshield courtesy of my daughter and I would have been caught for sure.

    • I know! I didn’t think to LOOK for the surveillance cameras, but I KNOW they were there.

      And I don’t have “I love Lady Gaga” written in the dust, I have a screaming monster face.

      Because I have boys.

  20. You’re on a roll my friend. Too many laughs to count. I had three to catch up on and oh it was sweet. I’m getting The Agronomist to read your ad. What is in your OJ these days. I need some. My ha ha went on a vacation in June. I might have to camp out a bit here to get some of the ha ha juice back.

    • I hate when the ha ha goes on vacation.

      It seldom clears its itinerary with me.

      Then I have NO idea where it is, when it’ll be be back, if it’s running up some outrageous tab with the mini bar.

      And you can ALWAYS camp out here!!

  21. Around my house, we have a saying.

    “God’s gonna get ya”

    Usually its the husband who gets “got” and usually it’s because he’s been particularly snotty to the wife (that’s me). It’s led him to believe that I am especially blessed and he lives in fear of really pissing me off.

    I like the way this whole thing worked out! 😉

  22. I love the image of getting one’s butt whipped with the cosmic switch. I’m so glad the story ended up the way it did and the lady was so nice to you. One time I backed my dad’s van up into a pole and ripped a hole along the whole length of the door. I was so scared he was going to rip me a new you know what. But he was so nice about it. My karma is confusing. Sometimes it rains and sometimes it’s a drought. I never know what is coming my way.

  23. I love the PG exclamatory words. They make me smile. 🙂 Good for you for leaving a note. It would have been easy to just walk away from but you did do the right thing. I’m so glad it turned out so well. Maybe there is more to this Karma thing that I thought. I will have to pay closer attention.

    • Well, I if Culture Club can write a whole song about it.

      (Except you’re probably young enough to not know what I’m talking about.)

      *heavy sigh*

  24. “Jiminy Crickets!” got me thinking that it would be awesome if you say the name of a beloved Disney character every time you wish you could swear. We’ll know exactly what you mean.

    For example: “Cruella de Vil! I’m going to kill those cats!”

  25. Very pleased that this worked out well for you, Lori dearest.

    But I LOVE whipping butts whipped with willow switches.

    That wasn;t what you meant, was it?


    – B x

  26. Karma…it’ll getcha if you aren’t careful. I learned that the hard way.

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