How I am like a talking dog.

In total mockery of the challenge that I issued myself in yesterday’s post, more things have accumulated on the desk. The greater irony is that I didn’t even work at the desk today. So I’m fairly confident that my belongings are reading my blog and have undertaken a conspiratorial plot to overthrow me completely and have me drown in a Martha Point deficit. And yes, I’m looking at YOU, Mr. Address Book, and YOU, Ms. Unfinished Novel! I know what you’re thinking. I watch tv.

So I thought today I’d explain the remark I made in this post, where I said that I did not award myself points for putting the flowers and candle in the little statue during the Easter Dinner that Nearly Killed All Our Friends.  (In fact, I note that we have not heard from a few of the friends who came for dinner that night…I hope I didn’t kill them off with THE PLAGUE. Ari? Cat? Are you out there?)

So, here is a picture of the table I set for the dinner.

Spray painted plastic eggs. How festive!

Note the colors. Blue. And green.

I know my colors. I know blue and green. See? Here is another photo of blue and green. It has nothing to do with me, my house, or this dinner. It is so I can prove that I really know what blue and green are!

Pretty. Wish I knew where this was.

Ok, so we can all agree that I know my colors.

So imagine me at Trader Joe’s, selecting flowers for the table for the dinner that I had just purchased dishes and linen napkins for. (In my defense, I bought dishes because given that I live in a house with three kids and granite countertops, we do not have any 8 dishes that are not chipped. In many places. I’m talking like a really cheap manicure kind of chipped. I did not buy dishes only because friends were coming. {Sorry friends.} Plus, I got them on the way cheap. And then once I had dishes in a new color, I was required to buy complementary napkins. REQUIRED, I tell you! Anyone who does not understand this should leave a comment with their email address so I can mail you a 19 point analysis of why this is so.)

But back to Trader Joe’s. Flowers. Perusing. And first, I saw these:

White. White goes with anything. And I don't care that it's before Memorial Day.

Now keep imagining that I am at Trader Joe’s. But now imagine that I am this character from “Up:”

And now imagine someone has said, “SQUIRREL!”

Only except a squirrel, what I have seen is Gerber daisies. In….hot pink and red.

Oh, this is so red.

They are beautiful. They have nothing to do with blue and green. Nothing. Only in-so-far as they might be adjacent to each other in a box of crayons do they have anything to do with each other.

I am totally distractible by pretty things, shiny things, chocolate things, funny things.

I occasionally have the attention span of a gnat.

So really, it’s a miracle that I ever learned my colors at all.

And for the points I might have gained by putting the pretty flowers and the shimmery candle in the elegant little statue, I lose them all because the truth is that I hid them in the elegant little statue because once I got home, I had no idea else what to do with them. So, I hid them in a corner of the family room, where I then forgot about them. For two weeks.

If you see me out in public wearing prints and plaids, please gently direct me back home to put on something less offensive. I probably got distracted by something pretty. Or something shiny. Or something chocolate…

This post happily linked to Tablescape Thursday, at Between Naps on the Porch:


Filed under Domestic Disgrace, Humor

12 Responses to How I am like a talking dog.

  1. I could never pick a favorite color…that would be wrong. I love them all so much.

    • I entered a contest where I had to pick my favorite kitchen appliance. I picked the mixer, but I’m afraid the blender will be jealous.

  2. Love it! Gorgeous! Thanks for the inspiration!

  3. Oh my word! I’m laughing so hard…I just may need to leave this comment to go to the ladies room before I wet myself!

    I’ll never question your color capabilities. Oh and I totally get the need to buy coordinating napkins!


    • Good heavens! I hope an accident was averted.

      And I KNEW people (at least, semi-crazy people like me) would get the napkin thing! *whew*!

  4. Sharon Haynie

    I thought that I was the only person that thought like that. My husband has stopped telling me that I’m crazy and now just rolls his eyes at me and gives me the credit card. I love red with blue and green!

  5. My favorite color combination…love your blue and green table!

    • Thank you kindly! I’m looking at all these other gorgeous tables and thinking…”How do people store all that?” (But in a totally envious way.)

  6. What a hoot! Loved reading your post today! I think your table was gorgeous — love blues and greens. Now I must go read the post about the Easter dinner that nearly killed people!

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