Today, a History Lesson.

The subject: Yours Truly and Halloween.

There will not be a test.


I really do love Halloween. I never go quite as crazy as I want to, because there’s only so much I can justify spending and only so many hours in a day (I know, I know…I’m working on it!)

Here I am at the age of…I must have been five, because I know what house we’re in. I am, obviously, a fairy princess.

And didn’t my mom have great legs?

The year after this, I was Miss America.

Clearly my tiara and scepter obsession has a long and glorious history.

In second grade I was a ghost. This high-tech costume was a white sheet with eye-holes. My mom ringed the eye-holes with black pen so they’d stand out, which ran when I cried because none of my friends recognized me under the sheet. Clearly my ability to be irrational also has a long and glorious history.

In fifth grade I was a ghoul, which was a shredded white sheet paired with the mask I made in class. My little brother sported an awesome Luke Skywalker outfit, which was tan pants, duct-tape boots, and a kimono-ish jacket made out of a white sheet. (I’m wondering now about this seemingly never-ending supply of white sheets with which to make costumes. I don’t have a single white sheet, yet my mother kept us in Halloween outfits for years. I’d say something like “bedrooms were more boring in the 70′s” but by all I’ve read that simply isn’t true.)

High-school was hit and miss. I know I was too cool for costumes a couple times, and once when I dressed up to take my best friend’s little brothers and sisters trick-or-treating (just cause we thought dressing up would be fun) people yelled at us for trying to scam treats.

Way to abuse your authority, 80′s adults with candy.

One of my most glorious costumes was a couple’s costume with Husband 1.0.

We are a Druid Priest and Sacrificial Virgin.

The virginity thing is all symbolic – I didn’t have a chastity belt (which if you know me makes way too much sense and PS, shut the hell up), so that link of chain around my waist is held closed with a padlock.

And yes, I know Druids didn’t sacrifice people. It just worked for the costume. And we came in second place at the club we went to.

Some years later, while pregnant, I snagged the red costume and dressed up as:

Umm…yeah, I don’t really know either. I was large. This fit. I made it scary. Halloween done. Husband 1.0 (in the background) was The Doctor.

A couple years later, my department at work came as a band of gypsies.

I am the less cute one with the beard. I am also the only one not in a dress. We won the contest that year.

Two years later, we were the characters from The Wizard of Oz.

Damnit. The picture cuts off my ruby slippers. We won this year too.

The following year we won as the cast from Peter Pan, and then we were disqualified from winning any more. I was Peter Pan, my lead physical therapist was Tinkerbell. With a beard.

Mixed in the following years was a pirate, a belly-dancer and a Star Fleet Officer. Then a few years ago my department did “The Royal Court.”

That’s me in the green.

And yes, that is a re-purposed Peter Pan costume.

A couple years ago, with nothing planned and a party to go to, I did a quick face-paint and donned devil horns.

No one noticed.

This year, my department is staging Harry Potter, and somehow between now (8 am) and when I leave the house (11 am) I need to figure out Dumbledore.

A magic wand would come in SO handy right now.

And then tomorrow for a party, Himself and I are doing the Star Trek thing.

Because I actually own two Star Trek costumes.

Cause I am a geek.

I am also a nerd.

And I love Halloween.


Filed under Humor

55 Responses to Boo.

  1. You look adorable in every one of those getups! This year, since my husband is insistent on going as The Green Lantern, I am Supergirl. (sigh)

  2. I too love Halloween!!

    Damn the photographer who cut off your feet! Where’s the Ruby Slippers!


  3. Melinda

    Now I know who to go to for costume ideas since all I could come up with is being my scary driver’s license picture which really doesn’t count since I look like that everyday. I don’t think I could keep up at your office. Cute costumes and your descriptions are hysterical!! Good luck Dumbledore. Hope you add a pic.

  4. Love all the costumes. Love Halloween…oh and by the way, the Druids did do human sacrifices.

  5. Your costumes are all so fabulous! Although I really want to see the Peter Pan group shot.

    I was a princess one year for Halloween, then the next year I was a Queen. Same costume.

    Fast forward to college when I was a beer wench. Then moved to Boston after college and used the same costume the next year (hey, different cities!). Then repurposed it with a hat and an eye-patch to be a pirate wench.

    I’m good at being repetitive. Being repetitive is definitely something that I’m good at.

  6. PS. Your mom really does have fantastic legs.

  7. I love it! Somehow growing up I always managed to be a punk-rock girl, a.k.a. “hooker.” I’m not quite sure how it worked out year after year but I was oddly attracted to trashy clothes. And I’m thinking that my mom’s frantic rush to outfit twins with halloween costumes is the only reason I squeaked by each season. 🙂

  8. Love all the pictures! I am not sure I could find any pictures of my costumes pre-digital cameras. But my mom used to make my Halloween costumes every year – how many points does she get? My kids are not that lucky. I “made” my son a fireman costume one year by slapping a sticker from the fireman on his yellow rain coat and writing his name on duct tape and sticking it on the back. Does that count?

    Finally, how many points do I lose for taking away my kids Halloween costumes when they’re naughty, telling them they better behave or they won’t get them back for Halloween?

    • It seems like our moms in general get way more points than we do.

      Cause, frankly, I avoided home ec like the plague which means there’s an entire class of domestic skills that I either 1)fake my way through or 2)hire someone else to perform.

      Although, I have, in fact, made Child A a couple costumes.

      And re: threatening the kids with costume purgatory carries the same penalty as ‘be good or Santa won’t come’.

      ie: None at all.

  9. Two Star Trek costumes is awesome!

    We never got to the white sheet costumes as a kid. First there were no white sheets in the house. Second if there had been white sheets there was no way in hell my mom would let us cut them up (though possibly she would have approved of a toga). and third, no way was she willing to go BUY a white sheet just to cut it up.

    She was totally into do it yourself costumes, just not ones that involved cutting up perfectly useful bedsheets

    • I know, right?

      I mean, I’m just thinking about it now. But there was many a white sheet sacrificed for some cause or another.

      Maybe she stockpiled from Good WIll?

      No idea!

  10. Absolutely fantastic! The bearded one (gypsies) is my favorite!!! I hope someone took a picture of Dumbledore!
    I didn’t have Halloween as a kid, but we had Karneval or Fasching or Fasnet, depending in which part of Germany you live. I either ended up as Pippi Longstocking or a Native American, not very original but very close to my mindset at that time. I could still do Pippi…

    • I would LOVE to see you as Pippi, I think that would be hysterical.

      And there were some Dumbledore pictures. Which will be posted for ridiculousness.

  11. Hehe! I love these. I would also like to see Tinkerbell with a beard.

    This year? We have a super mario bros theme. My son loves mario, so he will be mario. Hub will be luigi, and I? Will be a goomba (the brown mushroom the bros squish) because the I don’t like the princess…plus, the costume for her is super ugly. The goomba will be DIY, so depending on how well that turns out…I may post pictures. Maybe.

    And your mom has great legs in that pic! Jealous I am. 🙂

    • I would really really like to see how one executes a mushroom costume from a video game.

      Like, post pictures and them points me to them please, sort of like to see.


  12. I don’t know why, but I laughed so hard when I read, “I am the less cute one with the beard.” I can just hear you saying it. Your sense of humor cracks me up.

  13. Awesome pics! Make sure to post the Harry Potter pics! (PS – my bff went as a ghost once. Except her house had no white sheets. So she was a pink ghost. With glasses. Hee.) ~~Marie

    • Ok, I’m dying over the pink ghost with glasses trick-or-treating.

      Cause the rampant cuteness.

      I would give that ghost extra candy, I would.

      • Well, we’ve been BFFs now for 30 years and that’s sweeter than any candy! (Gah! That was the most sickeningly sweet and disgustingly gooey comment I have ever left….I’m sorry)

  14. liz

    I really love how into Halloween you are! My best friend and her co-workers always do group costumes like that, too. I know they did Wizard of Oz before, and they were a box of crayons once, and this year there was discussion about being the Toy Story cast.

    • A box of crayons??? That’s AWESOME.

      I’m going to suggest that for next year.

      Not sure how to treat patients while dressed as a box of crayons, but it’s still brilliant.

  15. KLZ

    As a side note, I’m so excited about the next Harry Potter movie I can barely stand it.

  16. Mother Hen is going as a chicken this year. It seems like a natural fit.

  17. Those are some pretty awesome costumes, the first picture is just adorable! <3, The very first time I ever went trick or treating I was 5 and I was dressed as Barney! 😛

    ps. I'd love to have your moms legs, err, I mean I'd like to have legs that look like hers, not her actual legs LMAO

    • You were dressed as Barney?

      I am friends with someone young enough to have trick-or-treated as Barney.

      My brain just short circuited.

      DAMNIT WOMAN, grow some wrinkles!!!

      (And I totally didn’t get those legs. How unfair is that?)

  18. Have I mentioned that I love adults that dress up?

  19. WOW your mother was a knockout!

    I remember two of my costumes from when I was a child, isn’t that sad? And I’m pretty sure no one was taking any pictures. Equally sad.

    Then again, there is no photographic evidence, so there’s that..

    I am being forced to go to a chi-chi Halloween party tomorrow night and have to dress up. I tried to bail but must support a friend. Can we talk about panic?

  20. Those were all great!
    What Star Trek costumes do you own?
    Huge TNG fan over here…wish someone would make me and my baby Star Trek costumes…she’d be such a cute Klingon!

  21. You are so, so fun!

    You want to know what I’m wearing? An orange and black t-shirt shirt, and a four year old noodle/corn necklace. I may end up getting attacked by a hungry crow, but man, it’s worth it.

  22. i’m noticing a theme here…
    white face paint…hmm…

  23. You are SO awesome!!!!!! Every one of your costumes is the greatest. I totally see why they disqualified you from winning anymore. I wish I could get into dressing up as an adult, but I feel like I can barely get my kids costumes together without losing my shit. And yes, 70′s households did have an endless supply of white sheets. In fact, I think my mom still does.

  24. Hey, don’t make fun. Every single one of my kids’ costumes begins with, “hey, go get me a white sheet.”

  25. Everyone – EVERYONE – should do their Halloween history. I loved it. And your mom did have great legs. And I think I’m going to be the invisible devil this year. AND…what glorious weather we’re having for trick or treating! Yay!

  26. Lori, you are the best! I’ve always thought Halloween was fun, but haven’t participated that much as an adult. You get major points in my book.

    Love the beard, too…

  27. Now, I’m sure you had your reasons.

    But you rejected a man with such great Halloween costume mojo?

    It’s okay though – clearly your work has stepped it up.

    (Wizard of Oz is my favorite.)

    (‘Cause I know you were on the edge of your seat wondering.)

  28. Be honest. Did it not work out with Husband 1.0 because he stabbed you in the chest and totally ruined your white dress?

  29. missyjo

    It’s official. I love you. Cause I’m known as the Disney Diva, and the only thing I love more than Disney is Star Trek. *nod* To the point where people I barely know, when they see that ST is going to be on any channel anywhere in the world, they think of me. In fact, when we saw the newest installment of Star Trek movies in 09, I was told, rather forcefully on the way home, just shut up and enjoy the movie for what it was!!! Because I know too much and began picking it apart. The fact that you have not one but TWO Star Trek costumes makes you one of my most favorite people on the planet. Yep. I probably need help. 😉

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