This is unprecedented.

In my entire adult life, I have never managed this. I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. And failed. And other, innocent lives have paid the price.

I got an orchid to bloom.

Of course, it was blooming when it was given to us almost a year ago. It bloomed for a good month. Then it stopped.

Just like all the others….but…we don’t talk about them now. It’s better that way.

Despite having  a decorating fetish and being fairly good with outdoor plants, I do not have what we could call a stellar track record with the indoor variety. I believe, in fact, you would call what I have more along the lines of a piteously murderous track record.

Here is a partial list of the plants that have met an untimely death at the hands of yours truly:

  • Ficuses (fici?)
  • Maidenhair ferns
  • Boston ferns
  • Asparagus Ferns
  • Areca palms
  • Bamboo palms
  • Miniature roses
  • Shamrocks (and aren’t those basically a weed?)
  • Oakleaf ivy
  • English ivy
  • Many, many, many orchids

And yet…

Here’s the evidence that I am not doomed to be the Floral Grim Reaper (or is that Grim Floral Reaper?) for forever. Sitting here proudly in my flour-coated kitchen.

It actually sprouted buds a few days ago, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to jinx it. Orchids are HUGELY susceptible to jinxing. They can also be damaged by being too close to psychic or emotional stresses. For instance: dieting, paying taxes, worrying about what’s making that sound under the house or trying to read the manual for any small electronic appliance.

I do worry a bit that I have accumulated too many black marks on the Great Orchid Death Register. I know someone (or something) out there is keeping track, and I’m pretty sure that the next time an orchid purchase registers on either my credit or debit card, an official looking person wearing a suit, dark glasses and an earpiece is going to ring my doorbell, present a notarized piece of paper, search my house, confiscate my orchid, and make nasty remarks about the quality of my aluminum siding.

But this one was a gift so I’m safe.

And it bloomed!

And for coaxing this lovely orchid into blooming (and by “coaxing,” I mean leaving it on the windowsill for the better part of a year and watering it when I noticed it sitting there), I award myself: +4 Martha Points.

Bringing my total to: +33 (after baking cookies) -10 (for committing multiple blogger faux-pas) +4 (for amazing horticulturocity), which equals: +27 points.

And you know what goes with orchids?

Right. Martinis. I’m glad we’re all on the same page here.

This post happily linked to Sweet Shot Tuesday at My 3 Boybarians.


Filed under Domestic Goddesshood, Humor

20 Responses to ALERT THE MEDIA

  1. I am death when it comes to house plants and recently GAVE AWAY an orchid about 15 minutes after it was given to me as an act of mercy.

  2. Good for you. The only plant allowed through my hallowed doors is The Bamboo. They thrive here. They also make me feel all zen master when I look at them. An orchid is waaay out of my league. Congrats.

  3. Well, let me first offer congratulations on the delicate beauty you cultivated. Even if I buy them in bloom, they somehow exfoliate themselves in the car on the way home.

    Martini seems a bit sedate for this accomplishment. Thinking one of those Sex on the Beach with the little umbrellas and a cabana boy are in order.

  4. Himself

    We don’t HAVE aluminum siding!!

    • Note from the Moderator: Your comments will be deleted if they fail to contribute to the dialogue of the blog in a meaningful, constructive way that does NOT GIVE AWAY MY SECRETS.

      In Pursuit of Martha Points is NOT an equally opportunity community and disruptive remarks from the husband will result in the husband eating Beanie Weenies for dinner.

  5. Congratulations!!! Its beautiful! Maybe this is the start of more orchids blooming for you! 😀

    • Thank you kindly! I will hope so as well.

      Also, please forgive me, for reasons unknown WP put your comments into my spam folder, and I didn’t see the kind things you’d written. I have instructed it that you are NOT spam (if anything, you are cool deviled egg salad!) and hope it’s learned its lesson.

  6. Laura

    that should be like 100 Martha Points…that’s no mere mortal activity!

  7. In my house, if I haven’t given birth to you or you aren’t self-cleaning by design, odds are good that you won’t make it more than two weeks. Given this, I think you should get at least 10 points. Beautiful, Lori.

  8. The petals look like a watercolor painting…great sweet shot 🙂

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