Aftermath

First. For those of you who firmly believe that your chubby babies and toddlers will never, ever become tall, gangly, awkward teen-agers…I am here to tell you the sad truth. They will. It will be sad, and it will be wonderful. Read my guest post about it over at OurMommyhood.

And now… here is the harsh light of day…

Confetti litters the carpet, trampled and flat.

Balloons drift listlessly across the floor, no longer possessing the fortitude to reach ceiling heights.

The prairie dog marching band ate the last of the chips, drank the remaining beer and called it a night.

The cleaning crew called in sick.

Oh wait, I don’t have a cleaning crew, I am the cleaning crew.

And I don’t buy into that whole whistling while you work thing.

Mostly because I can’t whistle. I sound like an asthmatic parakeet who stutters.

And I typically figure if you can whistle, you ain’t working hard enough.

Floors don’t clean themselves, you know.

I can’t find my tiara, and I seem to have lost a shoe.

And does anyone know why there’s a donkey in the guest bath? I mean, he’s lovely and all but I’m not sure he can find his way home in the state he’s in.

Did you know that confetti, when thrown in a raucous and rambunctious manner,  gets everywhere?

And did you know furthermore, that when a prairie dog gets a few brewskis in him he turns into a lewd, loud, putz-ky dog?

And he had such good references too.

I suppose you’re always gambling when you employ musical rodents though.

And if anyone knows how the Subaru ended up in the pyrocanthia bushes…well…never mind, I don’t need to know how, but if anyone notices that they are short one compact car, it might be the one in my back hedge.

So the ticker’s ticked over, and the step by step march towards the next blogging milestone begins.

You know how I march best? Wearing a pair of electric-purple open-toed slingbacks with a kitten heel.

Photo credit: @seahoney on Flickr

And a tiara.

Wanna join me?

This high-heeled post linked to “WordUp, Yo!” hosted by your friendly neighborhood Nerd Mafia. Of which I am now one, although to date I have not been told that I’m allowed to ice anyone. Which is, of course, the only reason anyone ever wants to be in the mafia is for the icing. And I don’t mean on the cake, if you know what I mean. So click over to Liz, Natalie or KLZ‘s joint to read yourself some more o’ dese blog things. ‘Cause I told ya to.


18 Comments

Filed under Humor

18 Responses to Aftermath

  1. liz

    Can we wear clothes with the kitten heels and tiara? Cuz I don’t want to be all “Emperor’s New Clothes” style.

    • Yikes! I did not mean to suggest that the heels and the tiara were the outfit in its entirety. Just the essential accessories.

      We will all be dressed!

  2. So sneaky that I had to reread to find the WOW.
    I like to believe that I do have a cleaning crew. And that they suck.
    How about a spoonful of sugar? Organic fair trade of course.

  3. Those shoes are gorgeous – and now I feel all loser-ish that I don’t own a tiara.

    I knew I’d come to regret that.

    • I promise to have extras.

      They won’t be as grand as mine, ’cause, well, I’m really horrible that way.

      But I’ll still have extras!

  4. KLZ

    I’m in.

    Also, I have been trying, and failing, to convince Liz that we need to find a way to put a hit on people. Because….how awesome would that be?

  5. Are you hungover from the fete?

    I like your choice of shoes for your march. Meow. I’ll wear my knee high boots, because I hate my feet.

    your post at OMH = staggeringly good.

    • Always Tylenol and Tums + 12 ounces of water before bed.

      Good to go!

      And ooh…love the idea of those boots!

      And thank you for your lovely words about the OMH post. I got a little choked up writing it, I confess.

  6. See? I knew you knew how to throw yourself a kick-ass party!

    YAY!

    See you at 200!

  7. Um, I’ll take the pictures. I would really like to see you in those shoes and a tiara, fo sho.

  8. Amy

    Loved your post at OMH, by the way. Awesome. And those purple shoes? How I wish I had an event to wear those to…

    • Thank you! That was a fun, but a bit emotionally wrenching, post to write.

      And if I had those shoes, I think I’d make myself wear them to the grocery story. If I had to wait for an EVENT, well….

      I’d want to wear them before I was a grandmother.

  9. See…it was totally the Prairie dogs. why did everyone blame me for the debauchery? Sigh (shakes head)…just so you know? This was just a tea party compared to what is going to happen at 200.

    oh and? I keep meaning to do a Word Up, Yo post and then I forget. Damnit.

    • You should totally do a WordUp, Yo! You’ll be fantastic!

      And well, live and learn with the drunk prairie dogs…they’re a pretty wily bunch.

      And I’m thinking I should start looking into bands NOW.

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