A Dialogue Betwixt You and Me

This not a real post. Today’s real post is at Taming Insanity’s Place. Go there and read about how NOT to ship a dog. Which, tragically, I know from personal experience.

Me: I’m not posting today.

You: Umm…Lori? This looks a lot like a post.

Me: Yes, I know it looks like a post, but it’s not.

You: It’s sitting here, taking up space on your blog, looking remarkably like a post.

Me: Ok, you’re not listening very well here. I said it wasn’t a post! And…okay…let’s start over…This thing here looks like a post but it’s not really an official post.

You: You have your posts notarized?

Me: Not all of them no, and that’s not what I mean.

You: You’re being less clear than usual here.

Me: *sigh* I didn’t know that was possible. Now listen, you’re not being as cooperative as I need you to be.

You: Well, Lori dear, you’re being a little bit ridiculous and confusing.

Me: Okay, no fair softening me up by calling me sweet names here, I’m trying to accomplish something and you are not jumping on the bandwagon, as it were.

You: The bandwagon is uncomfortable and loud and makes us motion sick.

Me: Yes, okay, I can see that. We won’t jump on a bandwagon, we’ll jump on…on…a hovercraft! We’ll all jump on a hovercraft!!

You: Do you have a hovercraft?

Me: No, but I don’t have a bandwagon and you weren’t splitting hairs like that then!

You: Nothing constructive is going to happen here if you shout at us.

Me: Okay, yes, you’re right…let me get myself together here…Okay, let’s start one more time. So today, instead of proper post where I talk about points…

You: You don’t talk about points all that often anyway.

Me: STOP INTERRUPTING! We are going to be here all day!

You: Well, you do tend to go on and on.

Me: Yes, well, this is true. But let me finish! Instead of a proper post I am going to go back through my comments for the past week or two and visit blogs. You see, I have this mounting anxiety.

You: You??

Me: Okay, yes, in addition the bees and the cats staring at me in the shower I have other anxieties that are slightly less ridiculous. I have this anxiety that I do not get to all the blogs I want to read. I have this anxiety that as Purse and Boots gets busier I will finding reading the blogs I love, and the blogs that I know I would love if I could just get to them, even harder. So I feel like if I have a day where I’m not hugely compelled to write something about the house, the cats, the kids or the grime, then I should go read people’s blogs, right? RIGHT?

You: Okay. That sounds reasonable.

Me: We could have been here five minutes ago if you’d just let me finish!!

You: Well how were we supposed to know you were going to actually make sense?

Me: Good point.

And now I’m going to read. If you haven’t left a comment in the last few days but you’ve been saying to yourself, “Damnit, when is Lori going to get around to reading my blog!” Leave me a comment today and I will go. Pinky promise.


Filed under Humor

37 Responses to A Dialogue Betwixt You and Me

  1. Oh, you are so smart. Here I sit spinning my wheels trying to keep up with everyone, and then BAM. you come up with this.

    Why do I keep coming here?

    It’s giving me a complex.

    • ok, after cracking me up with the whole “When someone you love writes a blog” series you ask ME this question.

      Here’s the ridiculous crown, my dear, you’ve earned it from me. 😉

  2. LoL I know the feeling you are having…except I can’t blame it on posting too much. 🙁 Apparently? My life is boring, my kids are not funny, & I do not have the writing skillz to make that fun to read. So, my blog sits. And is all sad and lonely. *sigh*

    And yet? I still miss way too many excellent blogs. *sigh*

  3. liz

    ooh, pinky promises are the coolest!

  4. Ah, I like this. It sounds a lot like the inside of my head on a daily basis.

  5. Um, love this post! You were totally talking to me and I didn’t even know it but was responding the way I would’ve responded. Clever!

  6. Guess what? I didn’t post a damn thing today which isn’t earth shattering for me, but I do plan on catching up on my reading so you can just skip me. Frankly or Bradley, I don’t know how you keep up with the writing for 2 blogs, guest posting, running a business, spearheading #PPNB. You are amazing darling.

  7. Pop

    Me: I’m still mad that you lied to me about the hovercraft
    You: Fine. I’ll send you one in the mail.
    Me: Thanks a lot, Lori dear. You’re the greatest!

  8. This sounds remarkably like conversations betwixt my children and I or maybe it’s the conversations I have with myself or maybe it’s all of the above… lot’s of interruptions with precious little making sense…
    You make me smile girl.

  9. And here I was wondering when you’d stop by for a visit. I’ve made lemonade . . . but it’s Countrytime [don’t even ask, my husband is a fan of chemicals]. How many negative Martha Points is that, anyway?

  10. I love how you posted a direct conversation between just the two of us, like we are old blog buddies….even though I am a newbie follower, a slacker, a late-comer to your party. But still, you posted just for ME. How can I repay you?

    • I do not believe there is any such things as late-comers.

      Only arriving-in-style comers.

      And I’m glad you realized that I was speaking to you…ONLY to you. Other people might have thought differently, but they are silly.

      All repayment, bribes, consolations, etc. can be made by the way of chocolate. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are particularly effective.

  11. we so just had a conversation and now I feel all special, not like the learning what Fresca is special, but the oh she’s my friend kind of special 😛 and I now want a hovercraft.

    • You SHOULD feel special. I don’t put just anyone in time-out you know. Only the ones worth saving.

      And now you know what Fresca is. You should learn the differences between traditional (fine, but nothing outrageous), black cherry (exceptional, as close as a diet soda can get to to-die-for) and peach (evil, from the devil, blech).

      Then, grasshopper, you will be ready.

  12. It agree.

    It is ridiculously hard to get a chance to read all of the amazing blogs out there. And then you get to that blog and another blogger has posted a killer comment, which makes you want to check out THEIR blog.

    How many blogs are there in the blogosphere? Oh, right, then there’s that. When annoying bloggers ask you questions on your blog, that you feel compelled to answer to. And then- THEY RESPOND. Of all the nerve, damn it.

    Blogs really should be categorized by their awesomeness so that if we hit the top 10, we don’t feel cheated into missing some of the hidden awesomeness. I think I should be the person to rate them.

    And you? You would totally hit high- love it.

    A little because you did go on for a bit, which CLEARLY, I cannot relate to. Only envy. ;o)

    • It is okay, at times, to say “Lori, darling? Please shush.”

      I will understand.

      And I would get a high rating?? Yay! Go me! Go you!

      And yes….way way too much stuff. Too. Much. Stuff.

      If someone could just get me those few more hours of the day, I would be EVER so happy!

  13. This is also not a comment.

    Just so you know– NOT a comment. So no need to read my blog and comment.

    Oh wait- crap. I think you already did.

  14. Also, I would like to say that I care for the word “betwixt” a great deal. That is all.

  15. Conversations with ones self are always the most entertaining! And thanks for the visit!

  16. This is me not leaving a comment on your not-a-post.

    Or, you know…something like that.

    It is not a Monday, but my brain feels like it is.

  17. I get all my posts notarized. Is there something wrong with that?

  18. This is hysterical. And now I have to find a bandwagon.

  19. Oh I can so relate to your anxiety. School just started for me and my time to read and write on the blog has just vanished into thin air. But I will somehow find the time.

    BTW- I would love your comment on my post this week about celebrating my wedding anniversary with my ex. Have you ever done that?


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