Monthly Archives: January 2011

We’re drugging the wrong people.

My rib seems to be roughly back where it started. Sadly, it hung out with the wrong crowd – ie my ankle and left elbow – for way too long and all the things around the rib are manifesting their abandonment … Continue reading


Filed under Humor

Lori’s Rib

I would so love if that had anything to do with a Katherine Hepburn movie. I would so love if anything about me suggested Katherine Hepburn. I wear pants. That’s it. That’s as close to Katherine Hepburn as I am … Continue reading


Filed under Humor

And the Chicken Has No Head*

Or, Excerpts from My Dinner With Andre (For tonight’s performance, the part of Andre will be played by three hyperactive teenagers.) *** That’s so sad. What’s sad? The chicken doesn’t have a head. You would rather I cooked chickens with … Continue reading


Filed under Humor

The Phone in the Sink

Child B doesn’t get a lot of air time on the blog. Clearly we love him less. What’s the point in even having the children if we can’t engage in blatant favoritism? Or it could just be that he’s older … Continue reading


Filed under Humor

Me and a Big Stick

The Australian Open is on. I know this because I opened up the DVR menu to play back a recording of the new Candace Olson show and saw that 7 hours of day one already recorded. My DVR is psychic. … Continue reading


Filed under Illustrated Post

The Chosen Three

Written by Himself, The Royal Consort Firstly, we – the Royal Consort –  offer our sincere thanks to all our lovely courtiers-in-waiting (CIW’s) who proffered their applications for a coveted position in HM’s Court. Secondly, we must inform said CIWs … Continue reading


Filed under Humor

It’s Audition Time!

Please don’t hate me for my tiara. When you have a custom job like this one, you really do get a level of quality that just isn’t available from your average fine jeweler. But I am nothing if not generous. … Continue reading


Filed under Humor


Dear Child With a Life Cut in Two, I did not see this for you, this life in two halves. I planned only one. A path curved beyond horizons I couldn’t yet see, but that wandered through my lands for … Continue reading


Filed under Musings and Memories

The Scrub Yer Arse Off Soundtrack

Cleaning sucks. There. I said it. I don’t care how many points it costs me. I CANNOT pretend it’s fun. I can’t fake enjoying it. I’m not playing the part of Meg Ryan in “When Hairy Toilet Bowls Met Sally.” … Continue reading


Filed under Humor

The Merry Wives of Twitter

“The dishwasher! It is loaded inefficiently! It was his weakness. But also, his strength.” -Child A Said after dinner as the children were cleaning up. Which seemed apropos, since earlier I had Tweeted this: Except of course “the” was really … Continue reading


Filed under Humor